28 years young.

Hendrix's new favorite thing to announce is, "I have two babies, mama!" He usually pulls that one out while I'm nursing Roscoe and cuddling him at the same time. He'll sit back and say it as though he's realizing it for the first time, "I have two babies, mama!" Sometimes, he says it more like a question, "I have two babies mama?!" as though he's trying on the idea for size, moving around in his new role as a sibling.

I find myself whispering that to myself in the middle of the night between feedings. I curl up with my pillow after laying a perfect, sighing Roscoe down in his bassinet, in awe of my new life. "I have two babies. Two babies..."

In a lot of ways, I can barely reflect on the past year, because so much of it is all about this. I have two babies. My boys are my whole world. I am happier than I have ever been; I feel more at home in my skin than ever before. Life is so good.

A year ago, as I wrote this, Roscoe was a mere possibility, a conversation. Now he's here. My little boy, my family. I have two babies. There's not much else to tell right now; I am so blessed.

Roscoe Everett!

My little champ is already a week old! I can't believe that's possible. Roscoe is right now the joy of our life. He's absolute magic. I had no idea what to expect welcoming another member to this family, and I have to say, it's just right. He is meant for us, so perfect. He is our family.

His birth was intense. I'll be working on his birth story for a while, I'm sure. Things of note? I had my membranes swept at 10:30 in the morning on March 8th, and he was in my arms by 9:15 that night. It was back labor again. It was absolutely intense. My voice is still hoarse. I terrified most of the other people on the birthing floor. But? It was all natural, not even a tylenol. I died with love right away.

Hendrix loves his little brother. He does. Watching them meet was absolutely amazing.

It hasn't been easy. I can't tell you how much I wish I had 4 arms. Hendrix has been my EVERYTHING for the past 2 and a half years. There isn't a whimper that hasn't been answered immediately by me. And now, there's another whimperer in my house. As a matter of fact, he's kind of a screamer. He can't help it, really. That has been so hard to watch Hendrix deal with. As a matter of fact, I feel like I'm going through it with him. There has been a lot more melt-downs. He's become more aggressive. He's been fighting sleep like a ninja. It's everything you read about, you try to prepare yourself for, but there's nothing like experiencing it. Obviously, it has been breaking my heart. Last night, Eric walked Roscoe to sleep while I rocked Hendo, whispering a million love notes into his ears. He just kept kissing me and saying, "Yove you so much, mommy." I cried and cried after he fell asleep.

Think they look alike?

Obviously this is such a short season in our family. I'll blink and these boys will be fighting over the video game controller. But I so want to do right by the both of them. I want to love them both fully, to give them everything they need to feel whole and safe. For now, I have to remind myself that I'm doing all I can, and trust that all the love I've given and am giving Henry will help him to deal with this transition, and come out of it an even more confident and secure little 2 year old.

GAH. So, there's all that. I love my boys so much. There aren't words. We are so blessed.

Roscoe Everett

March 8th, 2012

7 pounds, 7 ounces

19 1/2 inches

perfect.

keepin' it real

I want to write about this picture, even though all I want to do is sleep, and I feel like crying-- I need to write about it. Today was one of those days. One of those "miss your child's nap window" days. One of those "lose your temper and feel like a terrible mother days." It's not easy, being a full time attachment parent. It's not. And now, with this little one coming (taking his precious time, but coming), I'm starting to feel all out of sorts and intimidated by the idea that soon and very soon, I will be juggling a newborn and a very high need toddler. That's scary, exciting, but scary.

Today, Henry fought his nap for 2 full hours. We tried everything: a drive, books, television, breathing, rocking, massage... nothing was working. All the while, here I am, 39 weeks pregnant, feeling nauseous, emotional and exhausted, trying to keep my cool. It was a terrible scenario, to be honest. But that's why I need to write about it, because you know what? He's asleep now. I put a little terror in the car and within 2 min, he became the little angel you see above. Then, I came home, and I put him in his bed, and he sighed the most perfect sigh and everything was right with the world again.

You know what? There will be more days like today, but then, I'm going to blink, and my little 2 year old is going to be in school. He wont be home with me all the time, and eventually, he'll be off on his own entirely. And you know what? I'd probably trade one of those future lonely (yet peaceful) afternoons for this crazy one.

So, I'm posting to remind myself that Henry will eventually go to sleep. I need to stop, breathe and cherish even these tough moments, because they are fleeting, Now, I need to take a nap. I can go all nesting crazy on those dishes later.

my first.

As this new little one is squirming around, becoming more present every day, I find myself holding Henry a little tighter. Though I know my relationship with Hen will become even stronger with the addition of his little brother (yes! a boy!), I can't help but feel a little sad. Soon, Henry will be one of two; I will be a mother of two. Things will be harder. Henry won't have my undivided attention, and I won't have his.

You might be thinking, "Duh, Kel." But, I have a tough time with change, okay? The first time Henry ate applesauce, I cried because I wasn't the only one taking care of him anymore-- now fruit was, too! When Henry learned to crawl, part of me couldn't help but feel terrified that he had just begun the inevitable journey of moving AWAY FROM ME. Change is tough for this mama.

So, I've been trying to really savor our last moments of "alone time." I'm putting the computer and the phone down. I'm going outside to play, even if it's cold out. I'm laying on the floor in his room and letting the toys pile up around us. I'm stopping to read every book, even the train one, again and again and again...

Today we had lunch at a restaurant with a friend and her son. Henry wanted to leave. So, he started whining (loudly). Usually, I can be pretty impatient with all that. But today, I asked him if he needed a cuddle. He lifted up his hands, wrapped his arms around my neck and laid his head on my shoulder. He whined and whimpered into my ear for a minute, as I covered his perfect head in kisses. I told him we'd leave soon enough, and I understood he was anxious. He said, "Okay, mommy," and went back to playing with his toy. There needs to be more of that happening in my life. By "that," I mean patience and perspective.

Henry is my first baby. He will always be. Our relationship will be very special because of that, but this new baby will make our relationship even more wonderful. Though change and evolution are tough for me, I'm also watching Henry become this independent and gracious human being. I am so proud to be his mother, so blessed.

In less than 4 months, God willing, I'll be holding a brand new life in my hands. Henry, who I am sure will look like a teenager by then, will climb into the hospital bed with me and meet his best friend for the first time. I'll hold both of my boys, and I know I'll cry and cry, so thankful for all the beauty change can bring. I might not feel ready by then, but I'll be ready.

the end of an era.

This is the only picture I have of me breast feeding Hendo. The lighting is awful, and I'm so sad I don't have any others. Henry was 2 weeks old. We were still figuring it all out, struggling to get him to latch properly. It took us a while, but we became pros.

Henry has been weaned for a week now. He hasn't asked to nurse at all. It's as if he's forgotten he was glued to my body for the past two years. I fed Henry on demand for two years. It was my goal to breast feed till Hen was 18 months. We blew past that goal, and my new goal became to let Henry wean himself.

I got a lot of flack from people about it. Essentially, just people constantly asking when I was going to wean him. "I'm not." I would say. The closer we got to the two year mark, the more annoying it got. Then, I did start to doubt myself and my decisions. I mean, what if my son slept with us, breast fed and took a pacifier the rest of my life!? Was I making some kind of mistake?

As if he read my fears, Henry started breast feeding less and less. He would latch on for comfort, but wouldn't really drink anything. My body quickly responded, and I stopped producing. For the last week of breast feeding, he would latch on at night for about 30 seconds to each breast and tell me, "All Gone, Mama!"

The weaning process was seamless for us. Henry made the transition himself, and I couldn't have dreamed of a more perfect ending. The only thing I did was apply the "don't offer and don't refuse" principal. Hendrix is now sleeping comfortably through the night (the first time in 2 years-- I know!), and he now rolls over to cuddle up with his blanket to go to sleep (instead of my chest). We're going to be transitioning him to his own bed in the coming months (we've tried many times in the past, but it hasn't been the right time). I'm shocked at how quickly and effortlessly this all happened. Henry seems like he aged overnight. I'm so proud of my little buddy. He's really not a baby anymore.

Breast feeding Henry was magic. I will miss the close bond that the breast feeding relationship gave us. I will miss providing for him in such an intimate way. But, watching Henry become such an independent and wonderful human being is just as rewarding. I can't believe it, but it truly does keep getting better.

2 Whole Years of Awesome..

Dear Hendrix,

You are TWO YEARS OLD TODAY. In 2009, at 12:03 p.m., you popped out into the world, and since that moment, you changed it all, kid. You are the greatest accomplishment of my life, my cutest accessory and my best little buddy.

In the last year, you have blossomed into a little man. You are amazed by the smallest details of life, and you help me remember how amazing this world is-- even the clumps of dirt. You are a country boy, which I guess I could have seen coming. Even as a baby, nothing would make you smile more than a walk or resting on a blanket in the sunshine. Now? There is no substitute for the outdoors. Sometimes, you kick off your shoes to ROLL IN THE DIRT. We usually have to drag you, kicking and screaming, to come inside and cool off. I finally broke down and bought you a pair of overalls the other day, and you beamed when I put them on you. You puffed out your chest and announced, "Henry! Farmer!" Farmers are your heros, and I can't help but think that is the coolest thing.

You are so smart. I know every mom says this. But seriously! You're going places-- like libraries and schools and probably Harvard. You are using language more efficiently every day. Half the stuff you come up with, we have no idea where it's from. You just pick up everything! You love books and are constantly telling me what things are. If it weren't for you, I would have no idea there are so many trucks or boys around.

Henry, in the next 12 months, you're going to grow up so much. Your dad and I are insanely proud of you. We love every tiny bit of you. We love watching you learn new things, and we can't wait to see you as a big brother! Please know that in these coming months, your parents are your biggest fans. Becoming a 3 year old is tough. Some people call this year the "terrible twos." But you? You are anything but terrible, and we are here to help and encourage you as you explore this world and make your mark in it.

Grow on, little man. Though it's all going too fast, we're along for the ride. We love you, Hendo. Happy, Happy Birthday!

13 months!

14 months-- photo taken by my good friend, Amy Werner

15 months!

16 months!

17 months!

18 months

19 months

20 months!!

21 months!

22 months!

23 months.

2. years. old.

on slowing down.

Right now, Hendo is down for his afternoon nap. I've just finished taking a blanket in from off the line and putting a casserole in the fridge for dinner tonight. My house is relatively clean and after writing this and picking up a few toys, I'm cracking open a Diet Coke and reading the book I've been renewing for the last two months, "The Guide to Simple Living" (which I've written about before).

My days have been more like this and less like the crazy pace I was used to. I'm slowing down, deliberately. I finished the documentary "No Impact Man" the other day. There is a scene in the middle of the movie, where Colin Beavan talks about how doing away with air conditioning forced his family outside. How, being without a TV forced them off of the couch. Suddenly, they had to be creative with their free time. In this scene, his daughter dunks her head in a park fountain, the joy in her face is undeniable. We're a couch culture, a comfort culture. And, there is definitely a place for vegging out every now and again, but, I would argue, it's not as good for our souls.

I realized how down I was, and so, I've been getting out more. I've been closing this computer screen and sitting on the floor with Henry more. Yesterday, Eric and I started tilling up ground for our fall garden. I've been staying up late by myself so I have time I need to breathe and rest. I've been saying "no" to engagements, not because I don't adore the people in my life, but because otherwise, I'd have a full schedule, and I don't want one. I've been praying a LOT more and forcing myself to challenge those parts of myself I don't like very much.

I've been slowing down, and for me? It's better this way.

Hey, Hey, Vacay!

I've been joyfully MIA the last few weeks. We just got back from a long and lovely time in Illinois. Eric, Hendo and I took a 28 hour train ride. Henry was a peach, and if it weren't for the woman who sat behind us calling every friend and family member squawking, "I'M ON A TRAIN!" What's that? I can't hear you, because I'M ON A TRAIN!" till 1 in the morning, I honestly think it would have been one of our favorite trips of all time.

us in the dining car

We arrived in Illinois greeted by my grandma, who worships Henry, and my Dad, who cried at the sight of us. We spent the first week with my grandparents, my Aunt Gloria and my entire family (including my long missed sister, who has been serving the past year in the Peace Corps of Moldova). We swam, ate great food, went to the museum, worshipped in church and mostly just hugged each other a whole lot. We finished up the week at the Markel farm, where one of my dearest friends, Lindsey Markel, married her best friend, Larry Gates. I was honored to stand up as a best lady and even got to officiate the ceremony. It was the most perfect day and weekend. We celebrated with a farm full of my favorite people till Henry started screaming for sleep. He past out before our car left the driveway. Eric and I held hands the entire way home, so thankful for our love. Good weddings will do that to ya.

photo taken by the beautiful james-y calder.

Eric flew home the next morning (work= BOOOO), and Henry and I went back home to set up for my little brother's graduation party. My Grandparents left earlier in the week and the next day, my Grandma Jane and Aunt Lori (who I share a birthday with) arrived. We spent most of Trey's party outside catching up with them. I am so honored to have so many strong and beautiful women in my life. I spent a lot of time just stepping back and being truly thankful for that.

grandma jane, hendrix blowing kisses and aunt lori

my grandpa, henry and grandma

Monday morning, after they left, Hendrix, Cora and I headed off to the park, where 15 of my former students showed up for a little reunion. Seeing some of them brought me to tears. I can't tell you how blessed I am to actually have LOVED my students so deeply. I am even more blessed that the love is reciprocated.

me and my kiddos.

The rest of the week was filled with visits and adventures. Notably, I got to hang out with my good friend, Laura and her amazing boys. I also was reunited with the beautiful and talented, Rebecca Smith, who you may know from Better Life Bags. I haven't seen her since I was 20! She's mama to two of the sweetest babes ON EARTH.

hartrich fam and smith fam

All in all, the trip was about Henry getting to really know his Northern relatives. Each morning, Henry woke up calling for one person or another, and they would all shake off the sleep from their face and scream with joy at his presence. I can't tell you how amazing it is to see the love I have for my son duplicated in my family. There aren't words for how much I'll miss that.

uncle trey and hendo

the whole fam.

On the flight(s) back, Henry was a perfect angel. We got off the plane, travelled down an escalator and ran straight into Dad and Ya-ya's arms. We are SO BLESSED.

marriage.

Yeah, that's my husband. He's hot. There's no two ways about it. He is a STONE FOX.

I saw Eric my first day of college (note: SAW, not MET). He was in an English class with me (one that he dropped the same day). And when he walked through the room, EVERY INCH OF ME melted. Seriously, it was just like in the movies. Time stopped. I can remember exactly where I was sitting, what he was wearing, the light in the room... Here is a picture of Eric at around 18. You'll see what I mean:

RIGHT? YUMMY. That day, Eric captured my heart. He did. I'm not even trying to be crazy about this, it's the truth. Up until we started dating, I only had eyes for Eric. All of my friends knew him as "My Mystery Man." I pranked called his dorm room, stared at him throughout every shared dinner in the cafeteria and asked every friend of his for Eric's info.

I bought my first Radiohead album, because I'd heard they were his favorite. I heard he liked "nice girls;" so, I tried to be nicer. Mostly, I was just in love with him.

I've been in love with Eric from the minute I laid eyes on him. Our story is a long one. A good one, but a long one. The short of it is, I'm a lucky woman.

Eric and I are very different people. I'm loud; he's quiet. I'm an optimist; he's a pessimist. I'm a buyer; he's a saver. I'm a doer; he's a thinker. On paper, we're complete opposites, but we work. We compliment each other.

We also fight like HELL. :) Something we both have in common is a stubborn streak a mile long. We both usually think we're right. It makes for some killer "conversations". Before we had Henry, our fights would sometimes result in me getting in the car and leaving, slamming the door behind me...

Henry has added a new dimension of stress to our relationship. However, he's also brought us closer together. We always worked at our marriage, trying to be fairer fighters, better partners. But Henry has made every fight, every disagreement, every unkind word seem paramount. We work as a team, constantly evaluating our relationship and working to be the best parents and examples to Henry.

It's hard work, but we both are passionate about setting a positive model of a loving relationship for Henry. That's why, when we first moved down here to Texas, we saw a THERAPIST. I feel like it's so taboo to admit that. I wish that wasn't true. The truth is, we just found ourselves in need of direction. We love each other so much; we love Henry so much, and it became clear that we had started unhealthy patterns that needed to be fixed.

Our time "on the couch" was so beneficial. We only went to 3 sessions, but in the interim time, we applied everything she suggested we look at. We read books, filled out surveys, but mostly we TALKED. TALKED. TALKED. We apologized for past wrongs, made promises for our future, and we grew. Eric and I are now more conscious of our attitudes, words and each others feelings. We are more aware.

I've come a long way since my time as a stalker. But the truth is, that boy who made my heart melt when I first laid eyes on him still gives me butterflies. Though our relationship started just like the movies, we are real people, with real issues, who work every day to be good to one another, and to our perfect baby boy. Thank God Eric is so good looking. He makes even the tough days seem easy.

What about you? What is your love story? How do you "keep the love alive?" Any tricks of the trade?

my little sister.

My little sister was born two years after me. She was sucked out of the world by a vacuum, because I think she preferred hanging out in a small quiet place. Or, maybe she just didn't want to start getting beat up by me.

That day, I gained the best friend I could ever ask for. Bethany holds all of my secrets, my worst and best memories and all of my heart. She is honest, generous and kind. She is never afraid to tell me the truth, and she has my best interests at heart. She challenges me to be a better version of myself.

Right now, Booper is in the Peace Corps serving in Moldova. Words can't begin to describe how proud I am of her. She is working to get hand washing stations installed in her school and medical center. She speaks Romanian now, fluently. She looks over her shoulder and translates whole paragraphs effortlessly to her host parents, who smile at her and love her with their whole hearts.

When Bethany told me she was applying for the Peace Corps, part of me thought she was joking. A small part of me thought she wouldn't carry through with it. I don't know if I could have. She lives alone, speaking a different language, eating foreign food and living a life without Diet Coke. :) My little sister, who was scared to go to Homecoming alone, is now inspiring full classrooms of students, and no doubt saving lives with her service. She flies back into Chicago in June. Eric and I are planning our trip now so that I can meet her at her gate with the biggest hug. My little sister, my hero.

Bethany, when she has time, will be blogging here.