on homemaking.

Today, I was on the phone changing our car insurance (we saved 100 a month by switching to Geico!). The representative asked me what I "do," and as I scrambled to find the right words, he interjected with, "You're a homemaker." Part of me resented that label. I mean, if I'm just now becoming a homemaker, what was I when I was still working a full time job? I was making a home for my family then, too. I replied with, "Is that the politically correct term nowadays?" He laughed and said, "I guess so, MA'AM" Don't even get me started.

A homemaker. A stay at home mom. A housewife.

I've struggled in the past year with my new "labels." I have a hard time with them. Don't get me wrong, I know I am lucky to be able to stay home with Henry. I know that for our little family, me staying home is the healthiest arrangement for all of us. But, BUT. I find myself going back and forth... One day, I'm trying to aspire to be the Martha Stewart of all mothers and other days I find myself wanting to run back into the classroom. Bottom line? Being a stay at home mom is TOUGH.

I'm bored a lot of days. I doubt my parenting decisions. I wonder if I'm actually "parenting." I feel lonely and tired. I feel like my friends think I have it easy. I feel like I don't have any friends. I eat my way through some mornings. I ignore Henry. I cry. I get insanely impatient. I worry I'm not feeding Henry the right food or giving him the right toys to play with. I feel like NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME. I worry. I doubt. I worry. I doubt.

& then (and I know I always end these self-reflective blog entries this way), THEN THERE'S THIS GUY...

.. who is growing every day into this real kid. There's this perfect human being who gives my life such bright light and energy. There's this part of me that is becoming more and more the person he is meant to be. And I have the front row seat AND the VIP pass and, you know what? I'm his STAY AT HOME MOM. His HOMEMAKER. And when I think about those labels in the context of my lil' buddy? They fit just fine.

my little sister.

My little sister was born two years after me. She was sucked out of the world by a vacuum, because I think she preferred hanging out in a small quiet place. Or, maybe she just didn't want to start getting beat up by me.

That day, I gained the best friend I could ever ask for. Bethany holds all of my secrets, my worst and best memories and all of my heart. She is honest, generous and kind. She is never afraid to tell me the truth, and she has my best interests at heart. She challenges me to be a better version of myself.

Right now, Booper is in the Peace Corps serving in Moldova. Words can't begin to describe how proud I am of her. She is working to get hand washing stations installed in her school and medical center. She speaks Romanian now, fluently. She looks over her shoulder and translates whole paragraphs effortlessly to her host parents, who smile at her and love her with their whole hearts.

When Bethany told me she was applying for the Peace Corps, part of me thought she was joking. A small part of me thought she wouldn't carry through with it. I don't know if I could have. She lives alone, speaking a different language, eating foreign food and living a life without Diet Coke. :) My little sister, who was scared to go to Homecoming alone, is now inspiring full classrooms of students, and no doubt saving lives with her service. She flies back into Chicago in June. Eric and I are planning our trip now so that I can meet her at her gate with the biggest hug. My little sister, my hero.

Bethany, when she has time, will be blogging here.

feminism and motherhood.

I want to write about Erica Jong's essay questioning modern motherhood. In Jong's defense, I think it is a conversation that needs to happen. I loved this response to her essay. We, as women, need to question our roles at home and at work. The fact that the conversation feels so polarized is unfortunate. There are women on either side of the fence (work vs. home), but I really feel most of us are somewhere in the middle.

I wish feminism was more about celebrating choice instead of shunning her choice because it is not mine. There is such a ridiculous competitive game that mothers play. Working mothers get defensive and talk about how they would be so bored if they had to be a stay at home mom. SAHMs get pretentious and talk about how empty they'd feel at work. Realistically, isn't this an individual preference? Why do we need to put someone else's choice down in oder to validate our own?

At the end of the day, raising children is hard work. Each family has to make tough decisions when it comes to childcare and parenting. Sadly, more often than not, our decisions are made for us by things like lack of funds or a broken support system. As feminists, shouldn't we be supporting our sisters instead of judging them?

Now, I better unload the dishwasher, put these folded clothes away and take off this apron; I have a baby to cuddle.