My mother went into labor early with each of us. I was four weeks early; Bethany and Trey, five; and Cora, six. And so, I was expecting Hendrix to come early. Or, I was hoping he would. Okay, I was certain he would not let me down, and get out as soon as possible. The weeks leading up to his birth were the longest of my pregnancy and perhaps, my life. I scrutinized each pain and discomfort, convincing myself often that I was in labor. I would call my mom and time “contractions.” I would check my baby books and google symptoms online. After wasting close to 20 hours on false labor excitements, I had given up and resolved that Henry would come when he was good and ready.
So, when I woke up on Sunday, September 27th with low, radiating back pain, I tried convincing myself it was just final trimester discomfort. I walked around the house for about an hour and realized the pain was coming in cycles. I started getting excited, but tried to calm myself. I talked with my sister, Cora and told her, “Don’t tell mom, but this back pain I’m feeling is different. I don’t know. Something might be happening.” I didn’t want to spend another day timing false contractions and getting my hopes up. I was going to go about my day and ignore this. Right after I’d talked with Cora, I went to the bathroom. I’d lost my mucus plug (yummy). Ten minutes later, my mother was on the phone. Cora Jane Winfrey is not the best secret keeper. When I told my mom what had just happened, she screamed, “I knew it!”
Losing the mucus plug as it relates to impending labor can be hit or miss, but I called my midwife just to let her know what was going on. She told us not to go to the hospital till contractions were 3 minutes apart, lasting for 1 minute for 2 hours. She also said to rest and get a good lunch. Any excuse to order in was all right by me.
So, we ordered from Avantis, a local Italian restaurant that delivers. I got mozzarella sticks and ravioli. Eric got a sub. We ate in bed, and I remember giggling a lot. We were really trying not to get too excited in case it wasn’t really happening. But it was happening; we both knew it.
At around 2, I did the dishes and scrubbed the kitchen sink. The ferocity with which I was scrubbing made me an actual believer in nesting. Eric had no patience for it. The Bears game was starting, and he wanted to time contractions.
By the Bears game at 3, I was really uncomfortable. My contractions were coming roughly every 5 minutes. The pain in my back was intense. I couldn’t sit down during a contraction. I called into work, told my brother Trey to head home from college, advised my mom and sister Bethany to rest up and finished packing my hospital bag.
From after the Bears game on, I really don’t know what I did. I know I took a shower, SHAVED MY LEGS (probably one of the best moves I made), curled my hair and PUT ON MAKE UP. I guess I didn’t think my near future was filled with pain and sweat? My contractions continued getting closer and at 10, they were 3 minutes apart lasting for one minute. We called Kaitlin and Gene to see if they could come pick up Wrigley.
Kaitlin and Gene hung out with us through probably 45 minutes of contractions. During our time with them, I was walking the floors and rocking my hips through each wave. I was still talking and laughing—which should have been a sign that I wasn’t ready to go into the hospital, but we’ll save that. My contractions were 3 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute and had been consistent like that for 2 hours. So, we hopped in the car and headed to the hospital.
mama before leaving for hospital
daddy before leaving
When we got into the hospital room, I was instantly uncomfortable. The lights were a dull fluorescent, the gown was cold and everything was so MEDICAL. Where before I’d been excited and eager, here I felt scared and unsure. I told Eric I felt like a kid. I really did. I don’t know why. The nurse hooked me up to the monitors. My contractions were still consistent, but when she checked me I was only 1 centimeter dilated. I was crushed. I thought I might be delivering in a few hours. I had felt so sure things would move fast. She also told us that Henry was facing posterior (he was facing my belly button). She told us most likely he would turn as labor progressed. She also explained that’s why my back was hurting so bad; I was in back labor—AWESOME. The nurse told us to walk the halls for an hour and come back to see if I’d progressed.
My entourage got comfy in the waiting room, and Eric and I started to circle the floor. It was about midnight. At this point, I’d been in labor for around 12 hours, and my contractions were getting intense. As we walked the halls, I became even more uncomfortable. We would walk by the nurses’ stations and people would just stare. I started to feel small again. I felt like a 5 year old who was somewhere I shouldn’t be. I know that Henry felt uncomfortable, too. We just weren’t ready to be at the hospital. For the first time all day, my contractions became less consistent. I’d have one in 5 minutes and the next would be in 3. After walking for 20 minutes, I finally told Eric I was done walking by strangers. So, we hung out in the waiting room (my family were alone), and I just paced. During contractions, Bethany and my mom would put counter pressure on my hips or on my back. That helped with the pain, but it was getting worse. When Eric and I went back to the hospital room, I said, “I hope she sends us home.” I didn’t want to move from a one to a ten with people constantly monitoring me. Also, I could see there wouldn’t be a lot of space for the mobility I wanted. When the nurse came back, I hadn’t progressed at all. My contractions were intense, but irregular. So, she gave me the option to go home and I took it, along with a few Tylenol.
My family gathered their baskets, and I told them I’d call when I needed them. The nurse told us to come back when I felt like I couldn’t stand it anymore. When we got in the car, it was 1: 11 am. Eric held my hand, and I cried all the way home.
When we got home, I decided we should probably try to sleep. Eric and I climbed into bed, but I realized quickly that lying down was not going to happen. I would rest on the bed between contractions, but when I felt the wave of an oncoming contraction, I had to jump up. I did a lot of different things: walked the hallway, pressed my hands against the doorframe, sat on the exercise ball—mostly I just swayed. During my contractions, Eric would roll over and breathe with me, “You can do this. You’re doing so great.” He was so sweet. Even in his sleep he was being so supportive.
At about three, I was feeling antsy. So, I decided to try the bathtub. Eric drew the bath for me, rounded up space heaters and piled up blankets in the hallway. He sat with me for a while when I first got in, but he settled down on his makeshift bed in the hallway to get some sleep after a while. The bath was just what I needed. I slept between contractions as best I could. As a contraction would come, I would raise my hips high and just rock from side to side. I still remember the water rushing over my exposed belly, washing over me like waves. There was only a night-light on, and it cast this beautiful glow over the room. Eric was asleep in the hallway, and for a while it was just Henry and me. I remember feeling so lucky to have known my son so intimately for so long, and yet, I was going to meet him soon for the first time. There was a definite sense of euphoria. I’d lost sense of all time, and I was just in the moment, truly at peace. At the same time, my contractions were becoming unbearable.
Eric helped me out of the bath at around six. Bethany called and pleaded to come over. She arrived at around seven with books, lotion and a much-needed change of pace. Eric stole off to the bedroom to sleep while Beth took over. I feel I have to interject here, even today, Eric regrets going back to sleep. The nurse had told us I would most likely not be back into the hospital till late the next night; so, we thought we still had a long way to go. Little did we know, we’d be holding Henry in less than 6 hours!
I never felt so close to my sister. She held me, helped me to try different positions and encouraged me. Even thinking about that time together now brings me to the happiest tears. In between contractions, she read birth stories to me out of Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth (which is, the best book I read to prepare myself), and I remember feeling such a strong connection to the women in those stories. Their pain was my pain, and their joy, I felt, would soon be mine. We called my mom at around 9. I begged her to bring me a McDonalds Sweet Tea and food. By the time she got there, at around 10, I couldn’t dream of touching food! I was racing around the house at this point. During contractions, I would moan and laugh with Beth and my mom. They tried applying counter pressure; we tried the exercise ball; I tried getting on the floor and stretching, but NOTHING WORKED. I had to move, move, move! The faster I walked during a rush, the better I felt. I found myself just grunting and moving all over the place! My back was searing. It felt like muscle spasms were working across my back and around my midsection. I started to feel nauseous, and I looked up and told my mom I was going to get an epidural. She looked at me and said, “Well, I think it’s time to go to the hospital then, isn’t it?”
mama winfrey
We woke up Eric and Bethany, Eric and I got into our car around 11. On the drive to the hospital, I couldn’t stay in my seat. I had to roll down the window and pull myself up by the roof of the car. I remember vividly saying, I know I’m probably only three centimeters dilated, and believe me, if I am, I’m getting an Epidural! I DON’T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS! I’m getting drugs! Eric, catching Bethany’s eye in the rear mirror, whispered, Honey, you told us you’d say that, and I support you no matter what you decide, but you can do this and you didn’t want to do it with drugs. As a contraction rolled through my back I looked at him and said, “Eff that!
When we walked into the “check in” room, a contraction doubled me over. Eric gave our information to the receptionist. While I pressed against the wall, a transporter came with a wheelchair. I still remember squeezing the life out of the arm rests all the way up to labor and delivery. They shuffled me into a room, and as they hooked me up to the ridiculous monitor equipment another contraction ripped through me. I remember having the urge to rip it all off. My contractions were off the charts, but Henry was doing great. He was still facing posterior, but they didn’t seem too worried about that. A short, sweet woman entered the room and told me she was a midwife and was going to check me. I instantly got nervous. What if I was only a 3? What would that mean for my grand plan to do this au natural? She looked up at me and said how far I was dilated but I didn’t hear her. My mom jumped up and down, “A 5 ½, honey! That’s great!” The midwife looked at her and then back at me, “No, a 9 ½ , this baby is almost crowning! I looked at the woman and said, “Thank you! Thank you! I thought I was going to have to get drugs! I love your glasses, what awesome specks!” I remember her squeezing my hand and laughing. I felt on TOP OF THE WORLD. I turned to Eric, “A 9 ½? Can you believe it?”
As she hustled out of the room, the nurses BUSTED A MOVE. It was just like in the movies! They hustled me down the hall into the nearest labor room. A doctor came in and introduced himself. My midwife was on the way, but he was going to be there in case I had to start pushing. A nurse put a line in for an IV. Then, I started to get scared. With the next contraction, the pain got INSANE. I started to feel an intense amount of pressure and then, POP!, my water broke. I felt like everyone should have heard it, but Bethany and Eric were just helping me breathe through the contraction. I looked at them and screamed, “Guys! My water just broke!”, and instantly after, “Oh no! It’s going to hurt more now!” Bethany went out into the hallway and calmly told them that my water had broken. The doctor and a few nurses came in with carts. The nurse came over to check my belly; Hendrix had turned!
Things moved quickly from there. I remember feeling an intense urge to push. I told the nurse this, and she called the on call doctor in. He got suited up, and a team of nurses brought in a table with God knows what on it. I remember the on call doctor being extremely calm. He told me my midwife was on her way, and that I should try waiting to push. I remember him rubbing my legs and thinking, “Thank God I shaved.” He started applying hot compresses. Just when I really felt like I would die if I didn’t start pushing, my midwife walked through the door. She laughed and said, “Well, Kelly! You don’t have to go to school today!” The air in the room was so peaceful. I remember feeling overwhelmed by the realization that so much was happening, but feeling so sure and hopeful at the same time. I was a contracting contradiction, and I was in PAIN. The urge to push was so strong, and after checking me, my midwife said, “I can see his head! We’re ready to push.” She guided me through the science of pushing, and though I am not at all competitive, it was GAME ON. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more present in my life. I knew that I had a job to do, and there was nothing that was going to stop me from doing it. Bethany and Eric held my legs, Cora and my mom were at the other end of the room cheering me on.
I felt a lot of pressure, and between contractions, my midwife told me that I was starting to tear—a lot. She asked if she could perform a small episiotomy, and this is the one part of my labor that I wish was different. I told her she could. I wish I had trusted my body to finish what we’d started. I think, ultimately, it’s one of those things that is pretty inconsequential. The midwife offered me a way to get Henry into my arms as quickly as possible, and guess what? I took it. Them’s the facts.
Within two more contractions, Henry slid out into the world.
hen's debut!
My body felt insane, and my mind was a mess. I remember feeling euphoric, tired, empty, full, happy, sad, whole, confused, and enlightened… And then, they placed him in my arms. They placed this little squirming, slippery body into my arms, and the world stopped spinning. I have no concept of how long I held Henry. I couldn’t tell you what I did or said. All I know is that in that moment, it all changed. Henry became my moon and my stars. He is the greatest love of my life, my driving force. September 28th is a day that will now be filled with cakes, balloons, pictures and presents, but to me, it will always be about this.
getting ready to go to our room
Hendrix Philo Seaman
9.28.09 12:03 PM
6lbs 14 oz
21 inches long
