that e.e. does it to me every time.

It was early on in my pregnancy that I judged a sectional speech tournament. This beautiful kid, not any older than 16, read my favorite poem during the final poetry round. He started it, and right away, I had to put my pen down to wipe the tears from my hormonal face. I had read the poem before, underlined it and circled it, but that day, it became a part of me. I apologized to the student afterwards, telling him that I was pregnant and hormonal. He smiled and said, "It's okay. That poem always makes my mom cry, too." I was the only judge that gave him a first place score.

That night I went home and read it again, attempting to see if my hormones had gotten the better of my judgement. But again, I was overcome with emotion. Throughout the rest of my pregnancy, I would read the poem to myself, whisper it through the walls of my womb, soak in it. Very literally, it became about the beautiful process of pregnancy. "i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart). i am never without it. anywhere i go you go, my dear." I would feel Henry move, and the words would come to mind. They would make me pause, fully aware at the miracle of love and life.

The poem, for me, is about the love I have for my child. That love is something I can't put words to, and yet, somehow, e.e. cummings did. There is something about someone else putting their truth in words, crafting them to the perfect meter and form and then sharing that. It's magical. No matter how many times I hear it, the words carry the same impact as when I first hormonally heard them. Many people feel the same about it, for different reasons. Though some may feel that makes it cliche, I think that makes it powerful. It is powerful. This poem creates a collective experience, a shared understanding, a communal heart clench:

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
                        i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
"i carry your heart with me" e.e. cummings

I mean, you feel me, right?