we've somehow caught the cold here. it snuck up on us like a cat in an alley. i hate this about being sick. it doesn't take you over all at once. it sneaks up, starts to eat your food and the next thing you know, you're sleeping with it. eric is still functioning; i'm a mess. let me explain. 

today was our appointment with our midwife. please understand that all day today i was at school, becoming increasingly more sick as bells rang and kids passed through my door. i woke up this morning dreaming of hearing things like, "bed-rest," or "3 centimeters dilated." but, instead, i heard things like, "80% of women go past their due date," and "no change."when we drove off, i just cried. eric drove us around for a while, and i bawled like a spoiled little girl who didn't get a pony for her birthday, or as eric put it: a unicorn.

the truth is, i'm frustrated with myself. here i am -- truly-- the luckiest girl in the world. my sweet baby boy is healthy. i am so blessed. he's 6 pounds and 10 ounces. i still remember when he was just a cocoon of white on a black screen, and today i saw (again) his perfectly formed spine and his little fingers.  the last two days i've heard news of pregnancy complications with two of my friends. they're both still waiting on news of the status of their child's health.  i just feel so selfish. i was crying about carrying this perfectly healthy baby around in my body. 

i've been sleeping since we got home from our anniversary dinner (tuna and steak sandwiches at our favorite pub). eric's been listening to the new ryan adams album on repeat: 

Some of us are strong
But the rest of us are weak
So let us down
But if you must

Let us down easy Lord
Let us down easy Lord
Let us down

so much of me feels weak right now. obviously, my body. these past 9 months have been tough, this cold is not fun. but God is good. i am blessed with this little growing family, the littlest member of whom is almost 7 perfect pounds, and he's going to come out when he's good and ready. the Lord is good, so good. 

we WON the pacing the panic room fuzzibunz cloth diaper giveaway. i don't have words for how awesome this is, nor how much it will help offset the price of doing cloth diapers for hendrix. i was planning on slowly buying cloth (looking to buy used), and now we have almost an entire stash of cloth diapers FOR FREE. how awesome is that?

today, eric and i got iced mochas from starbucks (mine was decaf, haters), walked around bradley park with wrigley and dreamed about adding a stroller to our routine. hendrix is already so much a part of our hearts it's hard to believe we still have to wait a few weeks for his arrival. we went to a GM safety check on saturday and now, hen's lil' carseat is just chillin' in the backseat waiting for him.

i've committed myself to chilling my life out. i started getting a little too crazy impatient, and it honestly wasn't going to be healthy. after all, i have (at least) 3 more weeks till he's here. i keep having these surreal dreams, every one of them filled with light and peace. in each one, i'm nursing hendrix or just holding him to my chest. in them, there is such a strong sense of his spirit that i wake up really believing he's here with us. lately, wrigs has been coming and curling up to my belly in such a recognizably protective way. we're all so ready for him to be here.

dear baby hendrix, 

we still have so many things to do before you arrive! we're trying to spend our time being productive and getting this place ready for you, but a lot of the time, we just like to watch you move around. this week, daddy mopped the floors so that mom wouldn't go crazy. mom reorganized all your clothes for what felt like the millionth time, and wrigley pooped in the basement (she's so excited). 

know that we love you and we want you to come when you're good and ready. we just really hope that it's soon. 

xoxo, 

mom and dad