Dear Kelly Ann,

It's almost a new year, my dear. You are 26 years young. You are trying every day to be a better person. But, go easy, huh?

This year, it's about you, girl. It's about finding yourself. It's about finding God. It's about finding that ebb and flow, that comfortable cadence to life that so easily eludes you.

So; read more books, write more,nap with Hen, make good food and gain a few pounds.

Forgive yourself.

Move forward. Make a new voice.

For last year's words belong to last year's language

And next year's words await another voice.

And to make an end is to make a beginning.

T.S. Eliot, "Little Gidding"

american girl

You might not have been me. You might have circled a toy in a catalogue and actually GOTTEN IT for Christmas. But me? I spent a lot of time circling and dreaming, knowing full well I would most likely not get the toy. I know that sounds ridiculously sad, like I was in some way jilted of a perfect childhood, or neglected in some way. I wasn't. I was an extremely loved and blessed little girl. But... BUT, I was a loved and blessed little girl WITHOUT an American Girl doll, and thus, I was MISERABLE.

I cannot tell you how much I loved the American Girl Doll catalogue. I FAWNED over each page and accessory. I folded over the corners, took it in the bathroom while I pooped, and even slept with it underneath my pillow. I wanted an American Girl doll more than I wanted world peace, more than my sister, more than a puppy. And you know what? I never got one. NEVER.

Specifically? I wanted Molly. MOLLY, with her adorable braids, her cute glasses, her curious expression, and her flirtation with activism. Molly was ME. I was MOLLY. Without her, I was a nerd without a friend. I was alone in the world.

WELL YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M NOT ALONE ANYMORE:

My mom is seriously the greatest. She not only got me my DREAM PRESENT, but she got almost every accessory. I cried like a little girl when I opened it. She remembered. I know for years my mom has felt guilty about not being able to get me the doll when I was little. I hope she can forgive herself now, because I think the 26 year old me will take much better care of this insanely priced toy than the 10 year old me.

Now onto some real stuff: How do I display her without being weird? Also, how much is too much to spend on her chifforobe/ bed?

merry christmas

Aside from a minor emotional breakdown when my corn casserole bubbled over and started a small oven fire, I kept it together this year. We had the whole Texas crew at our house (12 people) for Christmas Eve and Christmas day. Honestly, it went fine, but I really think if we host again, I'll be only doing ONE or the other. It was a little much...

My family comes from Illinois today. They'll be here in 4 hours, and I AM STOKED. I'm still bustling around trying to get the house cleaned up from the last few days. Tis the season, eh?

So tell me, how did you keep it together this season? Did you entertain or travel? Any advice for a rookie like me? How does Martha do it without breaking down at the kitchen sink and demanding everyone go home? HOW DOES SHE DO IT?

a productive day WITOUT FACEBOOK.

The past few days, I haven't logged onto facebook AT ALL. Let me make something clear, I seriously spend a TON of time on Facebook. It's embarrasing.

BUT I AM TAKING CONTROL OF MY FREE TIME. Today, I drove to Temple to pick up my friend's dog. We're watching her Little Izzy for the next few weeks. I will be spending a lot of time stopping Henry from RIPPING THE HAIR OFF OF HER HEAD.

When I got home, I set up our folding table and folded 6 LOADS OF LAUNDRY.

Then, I rocked my little man to sleep. He slept for 2.5 hours, and believe me, I WAS THANKFUL.
So, I rewarded myself with some much needed Mama Time. I read a few chapters of "Women and Money," drank a Diet Cherry Coke, and ate some chocolate cookies.

After Mama Time, I tackled something that has been on my to-do list for a LONG WHILE -- the linen closet:

SHAMEFUL. I unloaded everything onto the folding table and sorted it:

And voila:

& finally at the end of the night, we spent some quality time with Dad!

Then after playing with Daddy, I put little man down, and I am now sitting with my main man watching Friday Night Lights and BLOGGING.

All in all, good day. And you know what? I didn't miss Facebook at all. Okay, maybe a little.

the new year.

The close of a year always brings me to major self reflection. Sadly, I am sometimes too hard on myself; so it brings me to self- loath. I wish I was easier on myself (perhaps that's something I can work on in the new year).

Things I'm addressing now:

- I've taken a hiatus from Facebook. For now, it's projected to last until January 1st, but it may very well last longer. I need to gain control of my "free time." Hendrix is curious and creative, and I need to nurture and inspire that in him. Telling him, "Give mommy a minute while I finish reading this person's ridiculous status update" isn't cutting it.

-I've borrowed Suze Orman's book, "Women & Money." I'm educating myself. I am creating a budget and a goal plan for the new year. Also, note: BORROWED. I joined the library. WOO-HAH!

-I've started Henry's scrapbook... Yes, this might have started a little late, but I'm super proud of the progress I've made so far. I plan on it being the coolest scrapbook ever. I'm having way more fun with it than I though.

-I've been making dinner. Albeit not insanely impressive, I've made dinner BY MYSELF the past two nights in a row. Tonight, I held an impromptu dinner for 10 people, and I only freaked out for an hour about it.

-I'm preparing myself mentally for my new year's resolution. I want to be insanely committed to it. I want it to change my life.

WHAT IS IT? YOU ASK?

I'm not buying anything new in the New Year.

Let me explain. I have a problem. It's really been an ongoing one for me. However, since I became a stay at home mama, it's gotten much worse. I BUY THINGS. I'm a buyer. No, I don't have an addiction to Gucci bags or designer clothes. I just buy STUFF. I can't even tell you the things I buy, because half the time I come home and I'm like: 0__0 why did I buy this shirt? i didn't need it! Repeat. Repeat.

Here are the ground rules:

• Obviously, I can buy new food/ groceries. DUH. However, I'm working on a budget/ making more dinners at home. So, my trips to the grocery store will be different than they have been. I'll make a list and stick to it. I'll go in with a plan.
• Things that Henry really NEEDS: sippie cups, binky's, random baby things that he would put into his mouth? WILL BE BOUGHT NEW.
• However, clothes for Henry? SECOND HAND, baby. There are a lot of awesome Goodwill's/ Consignment stores around here. So, Hendo will be rockin' recycled goods. I have a feeling he won't know the difference, but MY GAP CARD WILL.
• Birthday gifts can be bought new, but I will try my best to buy them used if possible. This (yay), will mean that trips to Goodwill will be about inspiration and fun. If I see something that I like for someone, but their birthday isn't for a few months? I'll buy it. Hopefully this will equal more thoughtfulness and less last minute scrambling.
• If Eric is with me, I can buy something new. Ahem. Eric made me put this in the ground rules. We VERY RARELY go shopping together (we're talking MAYBE 4 times a year), but when we do, he likes to spoil me a little. So, if I'm with E, we can splurge a little.
• IF I GET PREGNANT IN THE NEW YEAR... little baby things can be bought new (nothin' crazy... but, you know). Note: this is not at ALL in the works. :)

I have no idea how this will shape my new year, but I'm thinking quite a bit. I have a feeling it might shape my life. I need to work on my addiction to STUFF. I have got to get a hold before I become one of those peeps on Hoarders. SIMPLIFY, SIMPLIFY, SIMPLIFY.

What do you think? Should I tighten my ground rules even more? Am I being crazy? Any bloggers you know doing something similar?

happy holladizzzzle

Things are in full swing here. I had a blast shopping for Henry's Christmas. We've been dancing around this house to Christmas music, Glee style. There is nothing more amazing than watching Henry experience Christmas for the first time. I am crazy excited for Christmas morning. Hendo makes me feel like a kid again. It's magic. Being a parent is just magic.

I am so sleep deprived that I really do mean that. PARENTHOOD= MAGIC.