all boy.

We are soaking up summer here. Henry is going from the minute his feet hit the floor, and I do my best to keep up with him. He fell asleep the other day with a baseball glove in his hand. He's learned to put his baseball hat on himself and is constantly begging to go outside, even when the heat index is 105. This kid is all all boy, all fun, all energy, all the time. I'm one lucky mama.

my baby in the rain.

Let the rain kiss you. Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops. Let the rain sing you a lullaby. -- Langston Hughes

Our much needed rain came at around dinner time. I saw the drops start and opened the back door. Henry ran to see the rain. Instantly, he started taking his clothes off, and then, he started to DANCE. My little boy, DANCING IN THE RAIN. Henry has always been such a bright, joyful spirit. I can't help but look back at another picture of him in the rain from last year:

It goes so fast. My beautiful baby is becoming more and more a kid every day. I'm so proud of the little person he's becoming. I pray I can foster his bright spirit, protect it. I pray I always let him play in the rain.

on slowing down.

Right now, Hendo is down for his afternoon nap. I've just finished taking a blanket in from off the line and putting a casserole in the fridge for dinner tonight. My house is relatively clean and after writing this and picking up a few toys, I'm cracking open a Diet Coke and reading the book I've been renewing for the last two months, "The Guide to Simple Living" (which I've written about before).

My days have been more like this and less like the crazy pace I was used to. I'm slowing down, deliberately. I finished the documentary "No Impact Man" the other day. There is a scene in the middle of the movie, where Colin Beavan talks about how doing away with air conditioning forced his family outside. How, being without a TV forced them off of the couch. Suddenly, they had to be creative with their free time. In this scene, his daughter dunks her head in a park fountain, the joy in her face is undeniable. We're a couch culture, a comfort culture. And, there is definitely a place for vegging out every now and again, but, I would argue, it's not as good for our souls.

I realized how down I was, and so, I've been getting out more. I've been closing this computer screen and sitting on the floor with Henry more. Yesterday, Eric and I started tilling up ground for our fall garden. I've been staying up late by myself so I have time I need to breathe and rest. I've been saying "no" to engagements, not because I don't adore the people in my life, but because otherwise, I'd have a full schedule, and I don't want one. I've been praying a LOT more and forcing myself to challenge those parts of myself I don't like very much.

I've been slowing down, and for me? It's better this way.

Hey, Hey, Vacay!

I've been joyfully MIA the last few weeks. We just got back from a long and lovely time in Illinois. Eric, Hendo and I took a 28 hour train ride. Henry was a peach, and if it weren't for the woman who sat behind us calling every friend and family member squawking, "I'M ON A TRAIN!" What's that? I can't hear you, because I'M ON A TRAIN!" till 1 in the morning, I honestly think it would have been one of our favorite trips of all time.

us in the dining car

We arrived in Illinois greeted by my grandma, who worships Henry, and my Dad, who cried at the sight of us. We spent the first week with my grandparents, my Aunt Gloria and my entire family (including my long missed sister, who has been serving the past year in the Peace Corps of Moldova). We swam, ate great food, went to the museum, worshipped in church and mostly just hugged each other a whole lot. We finished up the week at the Markel farm, where one of my dearest friends, Lindsey Markel, married her best friend, Larry Gates. I was honored to stand up as a best lady and even got to officiate the ceremony. It was the most perfect day and weekend. We celebrated with a farm full of my favorite people till Henry started screaming for sleep. He past out before our car left the driveway. Eric and I held hands the entire way home, so thankful for our love. Good weddings will do that to ya.

photo taken by the beautiful james-y calder.

Eric flew home the next morning (work= BOOOO), and Henry and I went back home to set up for my little brother's graduation party. My Grandparents left earlier in the week and the next day, my Grandma Jane and Aunt Lori (who I share a birthday with) arrived. We spent most of Trey's party outside catching up with them. I am so honored to have so many strong and beautiful women in my life. I spent a lot of time just stepping back and being truly thankful for that.

grandma jane, hendrix blowing kisses and aunt lori

my grandpa, henry and grandma

Monday morning, after they left, Hendrix, Cora and I headed off to the park, where 15 of my former students showed up for a little reunion. Seeing some of them brought me to tears. I can't tell you how blessed I am to actually have LOVED my students so deeply. I am even more blessed that the love is reciprocated.

me and my kiddos.

The rest of the week was filled with visits and adventures. Notably, I got to hang out with my good friend, Laura and her amazing boys. I also was reunited with the beautiful and talented, Rebecca Smith, who you may know from Better Life Bags. I haven't seen her since I was 20! She's mama to two of the sweetest babes ON EARTH.

hartrich fam and smith fam

All in all, the trip was about Henry getting to really know his Northern relatives. Each morning, Henry woke up calling for one person or another, and they would all shake off the sleep from their face and scream with joy at his presence. I can't tell you how amazing it is to see the love I have for my son duplicated in my family. There aren't words for how much I'll miss that.

uncle trey and hendo

the whole fam.

On the flight(s) back, Henry was a perfect angel. We got off the plane, travelled down an escalator and ran straight into Dad and Ya-ya's arms. We are SO BLESSED.

that e.e. does it to me every time.

It was early on in my pregnancy that I judged a sectional speech tournament. This beautiful kid, not any older than 16, read my favorite poem during the final poetry round. He started it, and right away, I had to put my pen down to wipe the tears from my hormonal face. I had read the poem before, underlined it and circled it, but that day, it became a part of me. I apologized to the student afterwards, telling him that I was pregnant and hormonal. He smiled and said, "It's okay. That poem always makes my mom cry, too." I was the only judge that gave him a first place score.

That night I went home and read it again, attempting to see if my hormones had gotten the better of my judgement. But again, I was overcome with emotion. Throughout the rest of my pregnancy, I would read the poem to myself, whisper it through the walls of my womb, soak in it. Very literally, it became about the beautiful process of pregnancy. "i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart). i am never without it. anywhere i go you go, my dear." I would feel Henry move, and the words would come to mind. They would make me pause, fully aware at the miracle of love and life.

The poem, for me, is about the love I have for my child. That love is something I can't put words to, and yet, somehow, e.e. cummings did. There is something about someone else putting their truth in words, crafting them to the perfect meter and form and then sharing that. It's magical. No matter how many times I hear it, the words carry the same impact as when I first hormonally heard them. Many people feel the same about it, for different reasons. Though some may feel that makes it cliche, I think that makes it powerful. It is powerful. This poem creates a collective experience, a shared understanding, a communal heart clench:

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
                        i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
"i carry your heart with me" e.e. cummings

I mean, you feel me, right?

break it down, and build it up.

Lately, I have been all sorts of reflection crazy. My life was starting to feel stagnant, my soul was parched. I was all sorts of moody and impatient. Truthfully? I was being a real stick in the mud about most everything.

And you know what? When that happens to you? Something's gotta give. So, I've been driving without calling anyone. I've been ignoring my emails. I've been spending less time on Facebook and more time with my baby boy. I've been breathing and clearing my head of all that negative energy. I've been praying.

I started reading this book:

I would highly recommend it. I'm an impatient person. I don't know if I have always been this way, or if it's something our culture has taught me? But, I have a real problem. During the day, I spend a lot of my time tapping my toes and sighing and waiting. It's so sad, because I really can see when that impatience seeps into my relationships. I can never just let things BE.

So, I'm trying. I honestly am. I want to be a person that is guided by peace and purpose, not by an impatient and selfish nature. I wish it wasn't this hard to break myself of that.

early morning walk.

This morning, Hendo grabbed the garbage bag from my hand and said, "Out! Out!" When we got outside, he immediately dropped the bag and ran for his stroller-- letting me know it was time for a walk.

We walked for roughly a mile and a half. Hendrix sat up in his stroller the entire time pointing to birds, dogs, goats and bugs. Naming the things he knew and laughing uproariously at the things he doesn't. I am always amazed at how wonderful it is to watch him watching things. Walks slow things down for us. Throughout our walks, Henry beams up at me, smiling and nodding-- so happy. When we got home, Henry held up his hands and said, "Book!" So, we went inside, read a book and he fell fast asleep.

An early-morning walk is a blessing for the whole day. -- Henry David Thoreau

Yeah, Thoreau has got it right.