life has been ridiculously busy lately. the house is almost built, hendrix is closer to walking than i'd like to admit, and i'm doing enough laundry to open a business.
i'm tired most days. when i get in bed, my mind is racing. i've been writing more in my journal, trying to figure my own head and heart out. it's so tempting to come into this forum and pretend that everything is comin' up roses, but that's just not truthful. things have been hard down here. transition is just tough-- there's no other way to tell it. we're living in an RV, and while part of me can shade that as terribly romantic, like something out of a wes anderson film. but the truth is, RVs don't hold air well, okay? and, during the night, the air comes on and off like a banshee, stirring hendrix and waking me up EVERY. TIME. living with the constant company of my in-laws is both wonderful and terrible at the same time. eric and i find ourselves hugging each other for the first time at 9 at night, craving alone time. we are ready for space of our own again. i'm still trying to figure out how to balance my new role as MOM without resorting to a 1950s persona-- it's tougher than i thought it would be. for example, how does a feminist make a meatloaf? i have to figure out these things. :)
in the midst of all this crazy, there is a great deal of good, too. i'm home with henry. with my little buddy. he's going through this stage where all he wants is mom. i don't know what i would do if i had to hand him over to a daycare, kicking and screaming. it would truly break me. instead, i'm with him all day. i get to see the littlest nuances of his development. he's so much a part of me. so much a part of eric. he's our little guy. he's becoming such a wonderful person.
eric and i have been working on strengthening our relationship. i'm so lucky to be with someone who makes me a better person, and who challenges me when i'm not. we're constantly using the stresses in our life here to identify where we can become better, for each other and for henry. i know that as we continue to transition, we'll do so together.
i'm dreaming of this little house, ready to settle into a new space, both physically and emotionally. so ready.
